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  Carissa Steel: My legs… are wet. I lit a candle before I got in. It’s flickering against the wall. My legs look long and tan.

  I was hard. I was thirty-five fucking years old and unable to control myself over a few short sentences.

  Sandy turned the TV off, sending the camper into darkness. “Just setting the mood, Brew.”

  “I can’t do this.”

  “Why?” She whined.

  “Because you’re here. It’s too fucking weird.”

  She looked stunned for a moment, and then backed away. All the laughter left her eyes.

  “Was it weird when we were chatting?”

  “No, it was really hot, San. I already told you that.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “The problem is that I have this girl in her bathtub, touching herself, and you sitting right here, and me running the whole fucking show. That’s a lot of goddamn pressure, okay?”

  She smiled shyly, scooting back on the bed. “I’m not here. Pretend I’m not here.”

  “Sandy-”

  “I want to watch you. I want to see what I couldn’t see… the other night.”

  I couldn’t answer her. Carissa was writing again.

  Carissa Steel: Do you… like what you see?

  I turned away from Sandy, and I unzipped my jeans.

  I heard her sharp intake of breath as I let my erection spring free, running my thumb over the tip of my cock.

  Jason Brewer: Touch your breasts.

  Carissa Steel: I am touching them… and my nipples are really hard, Jason. My breasts are really big. I’m touching my nipples now.

  I began to thrust my cock into my hand, barely able to type with the other.

  Jason Brewer: Pinch one hard.

  Carissa Steel: I did… it hurt, but it felt so good…

  Sandy moved, and drew my attention toward the camper bed.

  She slid her hand down the front of her sweatpants, and I dropped my phone to the floor of the camper.

  “Off,” I managed to growl, gripping her by the ankles and nearly ripping the pants from her body. She moaned, her soft fingers wrapping around my cock.

  “Jason… oh, my God,” she managed with a fascinated breath, and the genuine shock in her voice drove me fucking crazy. I tore at the lacy scrap of fabric covering her thighs, and she arched her back to give me better access.

  As the thong ripped in two pieces, we both stilled, staring into each other’s eyes through the shadowy camper.

  She took my hand in hers, finding my index finger and dragging it across her naked abdomen.

  “If you cross this line, we can’t go back.”

  Never had a few words nearly made me come. I felt the pad of her thumb rub over the tip of my cock, and I pushed into her hand.

  My breath hitched on my words. “I should have crossed this line a long time ago.”

  She released me and gathered the base of her white t-shirt, pulling it up and over her head. Her breasts poured over the cups of her bra, and I dipped my hand inside, freeing each one before rolling her nipple beneath my thumb.

  She was so goddamn beautiful.

  “Oh God, Jason,” she mewled, and fuck if I didn’t almost come against her thigh. Freezing, I met her eyes.

  “Don’t touch me when I kiss you,” I whispered, bowing my head to meet her lips. “Okay?”

  She nodded, and I lowered my lips to hers.

  Her tongue tangled with mine and tasted like tequila and heaven. I claimed her mouth as her breaths became mine, fitting my hips into hers and rocking with every plunge. The heat from between her thighs burned, hot and wet and waiting, and I moaned into her mouth.

  When she threaded her hands through my hair, I turned my head to grasp one of her hands, drawing it to my mouth.

  I slowed my kiss over her wrist, a feathery pressure that made her moan. “I’m going to touch you, Sandy. Stop me if you want to. Understand?”

  She nodded, barely able to make a sound. “Yes.”

  I kissed her mouth again and reached down between us. Sliding my hand over her flat belly, I settled over her patch of silken heat. I pressed the base of my hand firmly against her, parting her lips and pushing a finger inside. She let go of my kiss, throwing her head back and digging her fingers into my hair.

  “Jason…,”

  “God,” I hissed, barely able to fit two fingers in her welcoming body. She uttered a cry of pleasured pain, and the tightness of her wracked my mind with what was to come. “Am I hurting you?”

  “No,” she cried, moving against my hand. I trailed kisses along her jaw, her bruised neck, and when I took her nipple into my mouth, her pussy clenched around my fingers.

  I found exactly the right place to drive her crazy in my arms.

  “What are you… doing to me…,” she cried, writhing beneath me.

  “Does that feel good?” I urged, curling my fingers and pressing even deeper.

  “Oh God… Jason… I’m coming,” she managed, and the rhythmic throbbing of her muscles knocked me senseless.

  I watched her face, the pleasure that made her eyelashes flutter, and her beautiful release as she soaked my hand.

  Jesus. Kissing her had taken me to a completely different state of mental consciousness, and primal needs took over my thought process. I was proud of the way that I owned her body, knowing exactly the right way to touch her to make her crazy.

  “I want to feel that on my cock,” I demanded. “Ride this out, I’m going to make you come again.”

  She could barely breathe. I gripped both of her knees and opened her wide, the moonlight flooding through the windows and illuminating her beautiful body. I kissed my way down her body, over her chest, her breasts, and her stomach.

  “Jason,” she panted as I dropped my kisses to the soft, damp heat between her thighs.

  She was already panting as I used two fingers to spread her open. Lowering my face to her heat, I drew a line with my tongue before licking. She grew even louder, her hands locking in my hair.

  “No one… has ever… done this… to me before,” she halted, breathless, jerking as I flicked my tongue against her clit.

  I stopped, unable to believe what she was saying.

  She’s never had oral sex?

  My mouth took over again as I spread her thighs even further and used my fingers. My tongue delved, sucking with my lips, my hands working purposefully. As she began to tighten around me, I moved away.

  She moaned with a disappointed sigh.

  “Lift your hips, babe,” I whispered, wrapping my arm under her back to help her. She was so fucking tight, and I didn’t want to hurt her. I held my cock, pressing against her opening.

  I didn’t need to ask her if she was on the pill. I knew she was. I knew everything about her after our trip to the hospital.

  I wasted no time going as deep as I could. She screamed, a pleasured cry that tightened my muscles and fucked with my mind.

  “You feel goddamn unbelievable,” I groaned, dropping my mouth to hers.

  Her body clenched around me, and at that moment, I broke away from her mouth, driving into her again.

  Once. One thrust, and I was coming. I felt her tighten, and the rush of warmth as she came with me.

  It felt like, at that moment, I’d poured twenty-six years of my life into her.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Sandy

  I lay beneath Jason, still trembling from the most explosive orgasm of my life.

  He held himself over me, panting softly, and then finally mended the silence between us with a slow, lingering kiss.

  He was still deep inside of me, and when I shifted, he locked me in his arms.

  “Wait. I want to stay like this for a while.”

  My chest contracted, and for one terrifying moment, I thought I’d burst into tears.

  And then, I did.

  “Hey.” His voice softened, and then he moved away, gathering me into his arms. “Hey, please tell me those are good tears.”<
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  “They’re good tears,” I managed, brushing at them with the back of my hand. “It was just… so much. So much at once,” I rambled, unable to articulate all the emotions misfiring between my heart and my mind.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that it’d be a new experience for you.”

  His careful words, so thoughtful, warmed my heart. “Jason, you were perfect. Everything was perfect. I just mean, I’m all over the place, I can’t think straight,” I fumbled, searching for my t-shirt.

  “Easy.” He caught my hands, stilling them as he threaded his fingers through mine. “I know you’re usually the one to take charge, but I need you to let go and let me handle this right now, okay?”

  I stilled, taking a deep, calming breath. “Okay.”

  Some emotion settled in his eyes, and he smiled slowly. “When you say okay, you make me crazy.”

  “Okay?”

  His mouth found mine, coaxing a long, sweet kiss. “It’s like I’ve never heard you say that word before.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, unable to hold back a smirk.

  He grinned, the Jason Brewer Grin hard at work, lowering my defenses.

  “Here’s the plan,” he began, locking his gaze with mine. “We’re going to get some sleep, because it’s been a really long week. And when we wake up, right here, everything will be different. Good different. I need you to be brave and trust me.”

  He was running his strong hands along my side, over my naked hip, and I was losing the ability to form sentences.

  When he stopped and tucked me against him, my mind began to take over. As though he could sense my worry, he hugged me to his chest.

  “No counting stars tonight, babe. I’m here with you. Just close your eyes.”

  “I… I’m worried that what we just did... will change…,”

  “You’re the best part of my whole life, Sandy,” he mouthed against my ear, and my eyes fluttered closed as my heart pounded in my chest.

  My God.

  I had loved him my entire life, and now, all of the ways that my body was longing for him scared the hell out of me.

  I’d only ever been with Max and Jack. With Max, we’d made out for an hour before he did a quick dip test, confirmed I was ready, and took my virginity. He’d finished before I had time to get over the pain, and that had been the end of our relationship.

  After years of dating, I refused to sleep with anyone who wasn’t going in the same direction I was. I wanted marriage, and children, and the kind of stability that my parents had demonstrated throughout my childhood.

  Jason had laughed when I told him about my deciding question, rolling his eyes.

  “You’re setting them up for failure,” he’d chided.

  The future question was for the monumental third date. If I was considering sleeping with them, they had to a.) prove that they weren’t afraid of commitment and b.) show me that they had every intention of committing to me.

  I used my sales skills to word the question just right, so they had no option but to answer me honestly. “In a perfect world, where do you see yourself in five years?”

  I’d gotten every answer under the sun. Running a company, traveling the world, making more money, et cetera, et cetera. Never once did I hear “married with children.”

  “Three dates in, if you find someone who answers ‘married with children,’ I’d run if I were you,” Jason had warned me with a laugh.

  “Why? It’s what I want, so why should I sleep with someone who isn’t going my way?”

  “I don’t think you should test them like that, is what I’m saying. Just go with the flow, see where it takes you,” he’d suggested.

  We’d had that conversation on a plane, three years ago, as we traveled to the sales conference. I’d met Jack, and in an effort to “see where it took me” I slept with him the first night.

  Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on the present, on Jason, and the incredible warmth coursing through my body.

  And I finally fell asleep.

  Saturday morning arrived like a memory from the past. Even after all the years that had passed, Jason’s morning breath smelled exactly the same as it had when we were kids.

  Other than the tequila, of course.

  I tried to untangle myself from his arms, and when I did, his eyes popped open. Those blue orbs smiled before his mouth did, and he leaned forward to kiss me. “For a second, I thought I dreamed that last night happened.”

  I blushed, looking down at his chest.

  “I guess that’s what I get for drinking too much,” I joked, carefully sliding out of his arms.

  His eyes narrowed. “Where are you going?”

  “Bathroom,” I replied softly, searching for my clothes. “We have to go to the house, right?”

  “Yeah,” he sat up, scrubbing his hand over his unshaven face. I caught a glimpse of his muscled chest, his biceps, and the tattoo that began on his shoulder and ended on his back. At a distance, it appeared to be a swirling design, but I knew what it was.

  It was the sand, and he’d gotten the tattoo during the summer of 1998. The summer we spent at the beach with his family, lying in the sun, sharing our dreams.

  The sand was for my name, and the memories of that year.

  My fingernails had left long, red trails over his skin.

  “Um,” I forced a smile, trying to smooth my mess of curls. “I’ll see you there.”

  Before he could speak, I left the camper, padding through the dewy grass to the house.

  With each step, I felt the panic growing in my chest.

  I slept with Jason.

  It was amazing.

  It was a mistake.

  I ruined everything.

  How can we talk to each other now?

  What will I say?

  “Mornin’, Sandy-curls,” George called, and I nearly shrieked as I realized he was sitting on the front porch with the newspaper. “Coffee’s fresh. Jason right behind you?”

  I forced a quick smile. “I think so. Thanks, George.”

  If I flushed, I didn’t give him enough time to notice. Nearly taking two steps at a time, I ran to the Brewer’s bathroom upstairs, closing and locking the door behind me.

  Leaning against the door, I squeezed my eyes closed as remnants of the night before played through my memory.

  His mouth. There. Jack would never go down on me, telling me early in our relationship that it was just something that he was uncomfortable with.

  And, as naïve as I was, I let it go.

  I, however, had to make sure that if he wanted a blow job, I was ready and willing. He wanted one before sex almost every time.

  Shivering, I remembered the myriad of sensations as Jason had kissed me all over my body, especially my wrist.

  God, such an innocent place for a kiss, and I had felt him deep inside my stomach.

  The three, swift knocks on the door nearly made me yelp.

  “Hey. San, can I come in?”

  Jason.

  “Um… wait, give me a couple minutes.”

  “Okay. I’ll be in my old bedroom. Come talk to me when you’re done.”

  I used the bathroom quickly, and then sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

  Think.

  I drank too much; so did he. I’m still dealing with everything that happened with Jack, and he’s talking to Carissa.

  It shouldn’t have happened.

  “Fuck,” I whispered, moving to wash my hands and then splash water over my face.

  I needed to be calm and collected, and to let him know that he was off the hook. He was taking the hero role way too far, and I wasn’t about to ruin what we had. Squaring my shoulders, I left the bathroom, finding him standing near the window of his bedroom watching Joplin run around the backyard.

  “Hey.”

  He turned, smiling my way. “Hey. Listen, before you take over and tell me how we just ruined everything and then blow me off, hear me out, okay?”

  I pinched my lips to
gether, my hands forming fists at my side.

  “Jason…”

  “Move in with me.”

  I know that my jaw dropped, and he deflected the sarcastic glare that I shot him.

  “Wait.” He held his hand up, taking a deep breath. “Not like that. You need a place to stay. A transition. Not your parent’s house. I have the extra bedroom and an empty house. It’s just me and Joplin.”

  “Brew,” I closed my eyes, shaking my head. “Last night was…”

  “Amazing. Perfect. The best fucking night of my life. But there were too many variables. We were drinking, you’re dealing with a lot of shit right now, and I know you’re not sure what’s going to happen to us.”

  “Yes. Yes,” I agreed, wrapping my arms around my body. “All that.”

  “So,” he took a step toward me, and I forced myself to remain still. “Let’s get you better first.”

  “I have… I have to go to court, and the restraining order... and the apartment is in both our names, and…”

  “I know.” He reached for me, and I folded, pressing my forehead to his chest. “I know, San. And I want to be there for you. Supporting you. Not confusing you,” he added quietly, his hand brushing calmingly over my hair. “What happened last night won’t happen again, unless you want it to.”

  I kept my eyes down. “Thank you for… what you did to me. I’ve never felt like that, not in my whole life.”

  I felt his muscles tighten, and his slow exhale told me he was trying to think before speaking. “I didn’t know. And it’s very hard for me not to pull you over to that bed and completely ruin my He-Man sheets.”

  I giggled, and he smiled against my hair.

  “Move in with me, and we’ll take things one step at a time, okay?”

  I thought about waking up every day and knowing that Jason was just a room away, and going to bed each night with the sound of his favorite music playing softly from down the hall.

  Somewhere between sanity and complete lunacy, I agreed to move in with Jason.

  He called Scott, his little brother, to come help move my belongings into his house. Though I refused to take off my oversized sunglasses, Scott knew right away that my eye was black and blue. “Why isn’t this guy in jail?” he demanded, giving me a quick hug. “Jason, let’s go beat the shit out of this fuckwad.”